Thursday, July 17, 2008

Gestalt Therapy for Couples

Each theoretical orientation counsels couples differently. How do Gestalt Therapists work with couples? Cite references.

Gestalt Therapists attempt to help their clients live whole, fully aware and vibrant lives. In terms of counseling couples, Gestalt therapists help individuals become aware of their personal issues and how they relate to the problems in their relationship. By becoming aware and whole, an individual can exist in a much healthier and more understanding romantic relationship.

Gestalt therapy is both an existential and experiential form of therapy that was developed by Fritz Perls in the 1940s. Latner (1992) says that Gestalt therapists believe
the proper focus of psychology is the experiential present moment. In contrast to approaches which look at the unknown and even unknowable, our perspective is the here and now of living. [Gestalt therapist also believe] we are inextricably caught in a web of relationship with all things. It is only possible to truly know ourselves as we exist in relation to other things.
Also, Gestalt therapists emphasize personal responsibility in every moment. Carl Jung (1973) exemplifies this when he says, “To know where the other person makes a mistake is of little value. It only becomes interesting when you know where you made the mistake, for then you can do something about it.” Jung’s quote exemplifies both personal responsibility and how individuals exist in relation to their environments. We must look at ourselves in situations that involve others to elicit personal change.

Fritz Perls (1969) says that Gestalt therapy is one of the three forms of existential therapy, the other two being Frankls Logotherapy and Dasein’s Therapy of Binswanger. Gestalt therapy however, according to Perls, is the “first existential philosophy to [stand] on its own feet.” In this form of existentialism, an individual’s goal is to become real and to develop their own center. Perls says that in this moment, an individual cannot be different from what they are, just as “a rose is a rose is a rose.” Perls also states that “Gestalt Therapy is a philosophy that tries to be in harmony, in alignment with everything else, with medicine, with science, with the universe, with what is.” As stated above, Gestalt Therapy emphasizes that an individual does not exist without their environment, and thus it is important to become in alignment with the world around us to be fully whole and human.

Perls (1969) speaks about modern day psychotherapy’s seeming desire for an instant cure to our psychological issues. He says that Gestalt therapy requires dedication and work to see significant change. Pearls says,
[In Gestalt therapy] we are here to promote the growth process and develop the human potential. We do not talk of instant joy, instant sensory awareness, instant cure. The growth process is a process that takes time. We cant just snap our fingers and say, “Come on, let’s be gay! Let’s do this!” You can turn on if you want to with LSD, and jazz it up, but that has nothing to do with the sincere work of that approach to psychiatry which I call Gestalt Therapy. In therapy, we have not only to get through the role-playing. We also have to fill in the holes in the personality to make the person whole and complete again.
Perls believes there are no easy answers to challenging psychological growth and human potential. An individual must be willing to do the challenging and sometimes painful work of becoming fully aware in each moment. Gestalt therapists believe that for a person to be fully functioning, they must be “whole and complete.” This means that for two people to come together and have a romantic relationship, they must come together as two whole people, and not as fragmented individuals.

The Gestalt Prayer, by Fritz Perls (1969), states, “I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations. And you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, And if by chance, we find each other, it's beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.” This prayer exemplifies how Gestalt therapists work with couples. Individuals are to deal with their own issues, live their own lives, and meet each other in a romantic relationship as two wholes who come together. Similarly, Fow (1998) says that in Gestalt Therapy, the “emphasis is placed on the individual (albeit in interaction with the environment… Each partner is treated as an individual with choices, that are better informed when the partner’s perspective is understood without undue defensive encumbrance.” Fow notes that in Gestalt therapy, couples are to attempt to understand each other without defensiveness. This comes from an understanding of each of us being individuals with our own histories and choices.

Much like Perls and Fow, Kimball (2007) states that conflict occurs in couples because individuals will mirror each other’s unfinished business, “projecting their own unaware personal issues onto their partner. This continues in an escalating fashion until most couples break up.” If individuals are not aware of their own personal issues, they will project them onto their partners. Also, as stated in the Gestalt Prayer, as individuals, we live our own lives, and not attempt to live up to each other’s expectations. If we can meet as two whole people, then a relationship can work out beautifully. Kimball (2007) also says, “Gestalt helps couples become aware individually and as a couple how they keep repeating old patterns of behaviors and acting out old beliefs about how their relationship should be.” This awareness is the first step to change, and Gestalt therapy is helpful in bringing unconscious issues into awareness for individuals and couples.

Kimball (2007) says the goals for couples in Gestalt Therapy is to “unlock the subconscious beliefs, desires, and patterns for relating to each other. Couples will learn healthier communication, conflict resolution, how to get their needs met, rebuilding of trust and mutual respect.” Like Perls, Kimball believes that for couples to exist in a harmonious romantic relationship, they must first unlock their own beliefs, desires, patterns and needs within themselves and in how they relate to each other. Kimball notes other ways that those involved in Gestalt couples counseling will improve. She states that individuals will
have increased awareness of [themselves] and [their] partner if doing couples work; assume ownership of [their] experience rather than making others responsible for what [they] are thinking, feeling, or doing: become aware of all [their] senses (smelling, tasting, touching, or doing); to be able to ask for and get help from others and be able to give to others. It will improve [their] relationships with [their] own mind, body, spirit and all the other areas in [their] life by resolving your internal conflicts and unfinished business from [their] past healing to an integrated wholeness with [themselves] and others (Kimball, 2007).
Generally speaking, couples attending Gestalt therapy will experience the benefits of learning about both themselves and each other. Once an individual can become aware of their issues and “assume ownership” of them, they can experience their romantic relationship on such a deeper level. They are taking responsibility for themselves and not simply blaming the other person, which creates a deeper level of intimacy.

Gestalt therapists frequently use role-play and reversal as counseling tactic. Fow (1998) talks about the Gestalt therapy interpersonal boundary concepts of contact and confluence, and how therapists can use these tactics with clients. Confluence “refers to a boundary disturbance in which interactions are fixed and rigid, [where the couple is] caught in a ritual playing out of roles.” These roles that the couple is playing out come from prior experiences, old patterns, and responses. This makes “opportunities for ongoing changes in the relationship required to accommodate individual needs [limited].”

The other concept, contact, occurs when a couple’s boundaries are flexible. Fow (1998) explains contact in his own words and also quotes Kaplan and Kaplan (1978), “The goal of increasing contact gets to the heart of the rationale for using reversal with couples. In a relationship characterized by contact, each person has the ‘experience of reaching out [or in reversal, reaching in] to recognize and discover, or rediscover, the human in one's presence’ (Kaplan & Kaplan, 1978).” While couples that are confluent have rigid roles based on old patterns, couples who use contact have increased empathy for each other. They may role-play or take on each other’s roles in an effort to deeply listen and feel where the other person is coming from. Individuals in a couple using contact feel safe to examine their own behavior because the other is also doing it. Another tactic used by Gestalt therapists with families, organizations and couples is called the Gestalt Interactive Cycle. Papernow (1987) says, “The Gestalt family therapist uses the Gestalt Interactive Cycle to see patterns in the way an intimate system completes and interrupts contact among its members, to raise the family’s awareness of its strengths, and to teach the skills that are missing (Papernow, 1987).” The Gestalt Interactive Cycle’s phases are awareness, contact and finishing. The awareness phase is when individuals give their experience words in a way that others can understand, that “elicits curiosity and interest what the other person is thinking and feeling about the subject at hand… A full awareness phase leads to gathering energy and action as family members begin to engage each other with more excitement and intensity (Papernow, 1987).”

In the Gestalt Interactive Cycle, the concept of contact (as explored above) is considered to be a phase. The contact phase occurs when members come together “in a fresh understanding, a fully shared notion of what to do… Good contact requires checking for clarity and accuracy of understanding (Papernow, 1987).” Role-playing can be used in an effort to help a couple of family have a fresh understanding of each other. The last phase in the Gestalt Interactive Cycle is called good finishing, which is
awareness turned backward over experience. Intimate systems that do this well ask each other what they liked about how they did something together and what was not satisfying. Over time, good finishing ensures that a family can do some things without effort (plan a successful vacation, come together at the end of the day, discipline a child) because family members have come to understand each other’s needs by checking regularly with each other about what worked and what did not (Papernow, 1987).

Good finishing is the final result that Gestalt therapists strive for. This shows that the therapy has been successful, as the couple or family has internalized the skills the therapist has taught. Clients genuinely understand each other’s needs from the therapy process and have become comfortable asking each other about their needs outside of therapy. The therapy process is complete, as the clients can now communicate with each other clearly and effectively.

In conclusion, Gestalt Therapy has a great deal to offer couples that are struggling with relationship issues. The general principle of this therapy is to become whole in yourself and peaceful with your external environment. If two individuals can come together as whole people, who have worked through their past issues, they can create a harmonious relationship together. Gestalt therapy can help individuals come to this place, and furthermore to develop clear communication and empathy skills within a romantic relationship.













References

Fow, N.R. (1998). Partner-focused reversal in couples therapy. Psychotherapy:
Theory, Research, Practice, Training. 35(2), 231-237.

Latner, J. (1992). The theory of Gestalt therapy. In Nevis, E.C.: Gestalt
Therapy Perspectives and Applications. Cleveland: Gestalt Institute of Cleveland Press.

Kimball, S.P. (2007). What is Gestalt therapy? Retrieved July 6, 2008,
http://www.susankimball.net/what-is-gestalt-therapy.shtml

Papernow, P.L. (1987). Thickening the ‘middle ground’: Dilemmas and
vulnerabilities of remarried couples. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research,
Practice, Training. 24(3), 630-639.

Perls, F. (1969). Gestalt Therapy Verbatim. Mohab: Real People Press.

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