Thursday, July 17, 2008

Domestic Violence Essay

1. Domestic violence (physical, emotional, verbal and/or sexual) is a serious issue in romantic relationships. What can individual and couples counselors do when working with domestic violence victims and/or their partners? Cite references.

Domestic violence is a serious issue in romantic relationships, as it can be highly emotionally and physically damaging for the woman, and in the worst cases, it can be fatal. Women who have been abused suffer from a loss of self-esteem, depression and PTSD. Individual counselors can be greatly help women deal with these psychological issues. Battered women can also benefit from being in support groups with other women who’ve been in similar situations. Although couples counseling may seem productive for those in abusive relationships, experts in the field of domestic violence believe that couples therapy can be counterproductive for these couples, and even terribly dangerous. Lastly, individual therapy for batterers has not proven to be effective, however batterers programs, if strictly upheld, can sometimes help abusive men.

Over 1 million women suffered from domestic abuse in 2002, 1,200 of which were killed by their intimate partners (Haugen, 2005). Women who have been subjected to verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual violence can exhibit a number of negative psychological symptoms, the most common of which are low self-esteem, depression and PTSD. Counseling can be beneficial for those who have been through any type of trauma in their lives. In terms of counseling for domestic violence victims, Berry says, “counseling does not have to focus on changing something that is ‘wrong.’ On the contrary, it can help a person see that she is perfectly fine, that she deserves a good life and has the inner strength to find it. It can help her access her own healing abilities, and reassure her that her feelings are normal” (Berry, 1995). This model is helpful for those who have endured abuse, as it focuses on validation, empowerment and self-soothing.

Often times, battered women have endured abuse throughout their lives, in both their childhoods and romantic relationships. Berry (1995) says,
“This [long term abuse] can establish a pattern of other behaviors and characteristics in a woman, such as low self-esteem and mental ‘tapes’ that play over and over, telling her she is weak, is not good enough, has to please others first and herself second.”
This low self-esteem in a battered woman, if not addressed by a therapist, can aide in creating more abusive relationships in the future. This is because if a woman feels poorly about herself and puts others ahead of herself, she may accept men who abuse her and put his needs above hers. Berry (1995) says that, “Counseling can help replace these learned thought patterns with more positive messages. Therapy can be helpful in this and other components of building a new life.”

Another psychological symptom that often comes from experiencing abuse is depression. Berry (1995) says, “Depression is also a frequent problem for women who have been abused, and traditional therapy and drug treatment (which must be prescribed by a physician or psychiatrist) have been beneficial to these women.” It is often said that a woman who is abused has had her “spirit broken.” She feels so poorly about herself, and overwhelmed by a relationship that, for a myriad of reasons, she may have stayed in for much longer than she wished to. Depression is a natural reaction to feeling overwhelmed by a loss of control over your own life. By regaining control through psychoeducation about abuse, working on self-esteem, processing childhood issues and sharing your stories of domestic violence, talk therapy can greatly reduce depression. However, some women many also need psychotropic medication to aide in their healing process, if their depression effects the overall quality of their daily lives.

A last, and quite serious psychological diagnosis that battered women experience is post-traumatic stress disorder. The DSM IV (2000) states that post-traumatic stress disorder occurs when an individual has been exposed to a “traumatic event where they were confronted with actual death, threatened death or serious injury.” In turn, their “response involved intense fear, helplessness or horror.” This event must be re-experienced, the person must “avoid stimuli associated with the trauma, and have a numbing of general responsiveness. “ Also, the duration of this traumatic experience must have occurred for over a month, and the individual must have “clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.” When physical, verbal, emotional and/or sexual abuse have occurred for years in a romantic relationship, PTSD is a likely reaction. Berry (1995) states that “women suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, which can have long-term, devastating effects that seriously impact their ability to work and form new relationships, often testify that they simply could not have rebuilt their lives without therapy.” Therapy can help clients with PTSD, just as it can help clients with low self-esteem and depression.

Groups can be effective an effective therapeutic treatment for women who have experienced abuse. Berry (1995) says, “One of the most common and highly recommended forms of therapy for abused women is group therapy that involves others who have shared similar experiences, [feelings, ideas and encouraging words.]” Battered women often spend many years in silence, unaware that others share a similar reality. For women to share their often hidden experiences, and to receive feedback, validation and empathy can be highly therapeutic. Women in these groups often become friends and support systems outside of the group therapy setting. Group therapy provides a much needed space for women to express their traumas and feel supported.

Although individual and group counseling have proven to be highly therapeutic for women who have experienced domestic violence, couples counseling is not recommended for couples with abusive issues. Many women believe that if only their abusive partner would attend couples therapy, their relationship issues could improve. Relationship therapists are known to help with a wide variety of relational issues, however working with couples in abusive relationships is generally not advised.

Lundy Bancroft has worked with abusive males for 17 years and wrote the groundbreaking book, “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Abusive Men.” He has strong opinions on the topic of couples therapy for abusive relationships. Bancroft (2002) says,
Attempting to address abuse through couples therapy is like wrenching a nut the wrong way; it just gets even harder to undo than it was before. Couples therapy is designed to tackle issues that are mutual… But you can’t accomplish any [of the goals non-abusive couples aim for] in the context of abuse. There can be no positive communication when one person doesn’t respect the other and strives to avoid equality.

Bancroft states that couples therapy is created for those who want to address relationship issues through equality, as a team. When one partner is abusive, he does not strive for equality, rather he strives for power and control. If both partners are not on the same page in regards to counseling, positive change is a difficult, if not impossible task to achieve.
Bancroft (2002) also speaks of how couples counseling can have a negative, and possibly dangerous, impact on a relationship that has abuse in it. Bancroft says,
The therapist’s reassuring presence in the room can give you the courage to open up to your partner in ways that you wouldn’t normally feel safe to do. But this isn’t necessarily positive; an abuser can retaliate for a woman’s frank statements during couples sessions. Later, when he is screaming at you, ‘You humiliated me in front of the therapist, you made me look like the bad guy, you told things that were too private!’ and delivering a nonstop diatribe, you may regret your decision to open up.”

An abusive man is often only abusive in secret, and maintains a charismatic and positive persona in the world at large. If a woman is divulging private stories of abusive to a safe and comforting therapist, the abusive man may feel angry that he has been exposed as a bad guy. In consequence, as stated above, this can contribute to even more abuse in once the couple is once again in private. For this reason, and those stated above, it does not seem advisable or safe to conduct couples therapy in the context of an abusive relationship.

Because couples counseling is not advised for those in an abusive relationship, one may assume that individual counseling would be effective for batterers. A common assumption is that abusive men were abused as children, or have various other psychological issues, and thus they can be “cured” of their tendencies through therapy. However, Bancroft (2002) says, “If abusiveness were the product of childhood emotional injury, abusers could overcome their problem through psychotherapy. But it is virtually unheard of for an abusive man to make substantial and lasting changes of his pattern of abusiveness as a result of therapy.” Bancroft says that while batterers may gain emotional insight through therapy, they rarely change their actions of abuse.

Bancroft states that abuse in romantic relationships comes from “attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.” As stated above, if the roots of abuse were feelings, therapy would be highly effective in helping abusive men. However, the roots of abuse are entitlement, ownership and control- core attitudes and values-, which are much more challenging to alter than feelings. Therapy is also ineffective for batterers, as they are often slick, condescending and manipulative, taking no responsibility for their actions. It becomes nearly impossible to change one’s behavior if they do not take responsibility for their actions. In turn, individual therapy has not been shown to be helpful for batterers.

A last option for batterers is an abuser program, which is both group therapy and psychoeduction for batterers. Bancroft (2002) says that change can occur for abusers if these following elements occur: 1) consequences, 2) education, 3) confrontation and 4) accountability. Batterers programs contain both education about abuse and confrontation of a batterer’s attitudes and excuses. These groups have the potential to be incredibly helpful, however, Bancroft says, “I regret to say that a majority of abusers choose not to do the work. It isn’t that they can’t change… but that they decide they don’t wish to.” Much like with individual therapy, the batterer in a group setting also chooses not to change his behavior because he does not believe he has a problem.

Deltufo (1995) notes a similar point, stating that these programs are important yet have a poor success rate. This is because many batterers go to the groups because they are court mandated. Most batterers do not believe that they have a problem, or that there is any reason to change.
This attitude is so strong that 70% of batterers who complete treatment are violent again within a year. Another problem with batterer’s treatment is that, despite its lack of success, it is the leading reason that women return to abusers. He’s in treatment, he’s getting help, he’s trying to get better. Most abusers attend treatment until they get their women back, only to drop out once they’ve gotten what they want (Deltufo, 1995).
Like with couples and individual counseling, it seems that the batterer is so resistant to change that a man going to a batterer’s group may prove to be more dangerous to the woman in an abusive relationships.

In conclusion, individual and group therapy can be highly effective in educating, empowering and connecting women who have experienced abuse in their romantic relationships. On the other hand, although initially it may seem like a good idea, couples counseling is not advisable and can even be dangerous for couples in an abusive relationship. Individual therapy and batterer’s programs also do not often prove to be helpful for abusive men, and can sometimes produce more danger for the battered woman. In consequence, as evidence suggests, psychological healing through counseling is much more common for victims than batterers. Sadly, the evidence is quite bleak in terms of an abusive man changing his behaviors through counseling.



American Psychiatric Association (2000). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
Mental Disorders: Forth Edition (DSM-IV-TR). Washington, DC: American
Psychiatric Association.

Bancroft, L. (2002). Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling
Men. New York: Berkeley Books.

Berry, D.B. (1995). Domestic Violence Sourcebook. Los Angeles, CA: RGA Publishing.

Deltufo, A. (1995). Domestic Violence for Beginners. New York: Writer and Reader
Publishing Inc.

Haugen, D.M. (2005). Domestic Violence: Opposing Viewpoints. Michigan:
Greenhaven Press.

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